Death is Inevitable
And the clock is ticking
At seventy-four years of age I am no spring chicken,
as the saying goes, and I've been confronted anew about my advanced age as I've
witnessed my younger brother dealing with serious heart problems, and two aging
priest friends facing serious health issues of their own. Although the clock is
ticking for all of us, once we begin to witness the decline of close friends,
we realize that life itself is but a fleeting moment in time, and the promise
of eternity with God becomes something more than simple theological
speculation.
A doctor friend made the observation that the greatest
hazard to our life is conception, because it is a death sentence. From the
moment we are born we begin to die. The best way to approach the inevitability
of our own death is to face it head on. Yet our culture fears death, avoids the
thought of death, and masks it with platitudes when it does happen.
My best friend in college died back in 2007. Since he
was the only member of the Orthodox Church in his family they chose to have him
cremated, so there was no final kiss, no burial, no closure. Following the
funeral in the parish church his priest and I joined his family and friends at
an art gallery, where his work was often featured. While mingling with his
wife, son and their friends, I happened upon a small box sitting on a pillar
meant for a sculpture. Looking closely I saw decoupaged photos of my friend's
life. Among them was a photo of the two of us taken back in the 60's, during
our college days. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, I lifted the
box in order to take a closer look at the photo. Instantly I knew it was my
friend's ashes, given the weight of the box. Laughing to myself, I knew he'd
have been amused at the site of me discovering I was holding his remains in this
small box.
Since my friend was not responsible for the cremation,
an Orthodox service was allowed. His priest, Father Nicholas, and I had a long
discussion about the American approach to death, how we send our dying family
members off to rest homes or hospices, and do everything we can to keep the
unpleasantness of death out of sight.
Since we fear death, we do everything
we can to avoid looking at it. Cremation is a
convenient way of denying the reality of death because there is no body. Yet we
Orthodox know that a burial service with an open coffin and graveside service
are of benefit to friends and family because the whole process helps with
closure.
Lowering the casket into the ground while everyone is
there and allowing each person to drop a handful of earth into the grave, is a
wonderful way of walking ourselves through the grief process. Denying the
reality of death by hiding it from our consciousness only promotes a longer
period of suffering loss of our loved one.
I have chosen the site of my own burial on the grounds
of the monastery and hope to have a simple pine box built while I can still
look at it. Setting it up in a corner of my cabin would allow me to use it as a
bookcase before my death, remembering a man I once knew who used his pre-need
coffin as a wine rack.
Facing my own mortality better prepares me for that
moment when I will be standing before God and accounting for my life. I'm not
in a hurry mind you. I'm praying God will give me many years more to repent.
However, it is good that I think about my own death, for avoiding the thought
will not prolong my life, but it can lead me to put off repenting of my sins.
Love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon
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