When we want to approach prayer and don’t have any disposition for it, by Gerontissa Macrina

When we want to approach prayer and don't have any disposition for it, we should leave everything on the spot and begin a spiritual meditation. Prayer will start from the spiritual mediation. Now we stop for instance at the parable of the Prodigal Son. The improvised prayer is like meditation, but you utter loudly the words, you recollect your mind and say: Now I hang on the neck of my Father, of my Groom. And you begin to see thoughtfully your spiritual fathers, you bow to them and implore them to help you to go further on the path beaten by God and say: Now pray so that for your prayers I may walk on this path. And by meditation you see how the soul hangs on Christ’s neck like the prodigal son. First kneels and embraces His feet then slowly dares more and from His feet reaches His neck and the soul implores Him to forgive him of everything he had done in life and saddened Him; how he lost the minutes and hours in vain, how he sinned in that place. He sees himself ragged, barefoot, naked, dressed in the rags hanging on him. He sees how he wasted all his years without being aware of it, without feeling that, without being near God. And begins to say beseechingly the troparions: Foolishly estranging myself of you All Merciful Lord I wasted my life immorally and Your fatherly arms open  and he makes from each word a reason  for meditation. For all these the soul suffers and slowly he gets acquainted with Christ and love comes in. And Christ sees that the soul loves Him and implores him and seeing how ragged and pained he is like a lost sheep, with His love and comfort, with a lot of love and joy starts to get ready his sandals, his belt, his clean, bright, shiny clothes. And starts to give him one item, then the other, beautifying him from top to his toes. Then the soul feels like he is baptized, like he is an infant and is very light and falls down at Christ’s feet and embraces them. The man sees his beautiful, shiny clothes and he sees his interior as well as his exterior. The soul feels all this and cannot refrain and burst into tears. The divine grace comes by meditation and the soul speak with Christ, talks with Him, then it comes the sweetness, joy and delight in the soul of man because he humbles himself and makes himself dust. After the soul becomes humble, mercifulness, love, respect come within and  the soul doesn’t receive any thoughts or slander. Seeing the great affection, the great love of Christ he overlooks any fall he sees at the other.