A man came to my cottage once,
telling me how depressed he was, because of the disputes he had with his wife.
However, I didn’t find any serious problem. He frowned because of something,
and his wife frowned about something else, so they couldn’t join together. In this
case a little “furnishing” was necessary. As an example, we can take
unfurnished planks. One has a knot in one place, the other one has a knot on
another place, and if you try to put them together, an empty space will appear
between. But, if you equalize and furnish one of the planks on one side, and
the same is done with the other plank with the same furnishing tool, they
quickly fit with each other, and there is no empty space between. (Elder
Paisios considered that the married couple should have one common spiritual
father, who will help them in the reconciliation of their disputes.)
Some men say: “I am not compatible to
my wife, we are totally different characters! Why does God make such strange
things? Couldn’t God harmonize the married partners, so their characters be the
same or similar, and so that they could live in spiritual togetherness?”
I tell them: “Don’t you understand
that God’s harmony lies in the different characters? Different characters
harmonize each other. God save you from being the same characters! Imagine that
both of you have the same character, what would happen if both of you grew
angry: you would destroy your house. Or, if both of you would be gentle and
inactive, both would start sleeping on each others feet! If both of you would
be stingy, you would be similar and you would agree among each other, but both
of you would go to hell. If both of you would be squanderers, would you be able
to save your house? No. You would demolish your house, and your children would
end up on the street.
If one has a bad temper, and marries
one with a bad temper, they will be the same or similar, won’t they? But, they
would kill each other in only one day!
God created so that the gentle and
nice partner is to marry someone different, give him help, because it might be
he always has had good will, but there was no one to help him, since he was
born.”
Even little differences in our
characters may help the partners to form a harmonic family, because they
supplement each other. You need an accelerator pedal to move your car forward,
but still you need the brake pedal to stop when needed. If there would be a car
with only a brake pedal, it would stay in one place for good. If there would be
a gear-box but no brakes, the car wouldn’t stop.
Do you know what I once told a
couple? “You do not fit with each other, because you fit too much with each
other!” Both were oversensitive. Something would happen in the house. He was a
bit confused saying: “Oh, what will happen to poor us?” Then she would say the
same: “Oh, what will happen to poor us?” They were helping each other to fall
more quickly in desperation. Couldn’t she, in opposition, calm down her husband
saying: “Wait, it’s not so terrible what happened to us.” I have noticed this
in many marriages.
And, in the education of their
children, when different characters, the partners are always helping each other
to give the right education to their children. The one says: “Let’s give the
kids a bit more freedom”, and the other one brakes a bit. If both are strict,
they will lose the children. But also, if both are too liberal, they will again
lose them. When different, they are able to keep their children in balance.
What I want to say is that everything
in marriage is necessary. Of course, we must take care not to over cross the
borders, but we must have in mind that every person may help the other; people
are here to help each other.
-Saint Paisios
Δεν υπάρχουν σχόλια:
Δημοσίευση σχολίου