The Fear of Love He Who Does Not Love Remains In Death

The Fear of Love

 He Who Does Not Love Remains In Death

There are those who fear commitment for fear of loss. They fear the other will either leave them, or be lost in death, so they remain aloof from any possible relationship. Some put on a facade of indifference, for fear of rejection, depriving themselves of any possible happiness. In fear of possible loss, they become the ultimate losers, for the happiness that comes in a committed relationship, evades them. If they don't love another, they need not fear losing that love. Some, having lost a loved one, fearing a repeat of that loss, and guard against further commitments. It is safe to keep themselves at a distance from others, for in doing so they think they will not suffer loss in the future.

When you refuse to be vulnerable by giving yourself over to a committed relationship, you deprive yourself of one of the most fundamental aspects of what it means to be human. When you fear loss, you are hard pressed to live a life of courage, for it is in living with courage that we are able to fully participate in life, and become fully human.

Grieving the loss of a relationship, either by death or breakup, is just as important to the maturation of our heart, as having a long term relationship, for in grieving we allow ourselves to stay connected to others, and remain openhearted to what God has for us. If fear of loss disables us, we may not be able to risk having anything that really matters to us, for by throwing courage to the side, we deprive ourselves of the touch and the intimacy that helps us open our hearts to all that God has in store for us.

Grieving is the way you can heal from loss, and, in turn, be open to relationships that can make your life more complete, and more fulfilled. Many people do not allow themselves to grieve, so they deprive themselves of relationships that can lead to spiritual growth that only comes through suffering loss. You grow stronger if you allow yourself to grieve when you've experienced loss, for grieving is one of the most fundamental of life skills. It is the way that the heart can heal from loss and go on to love again and grow wise.  If we refuse to love another, for fear of loss, we remain closed off from not only others, but from God. "He who does not love remains in death (1 John 3:14)."

Love in Christ,

Abbot Tryphon