One year
before the repose of Elder Joseph, while I was saying the prayer in sync with
my breathing during vigil, something amazing happened. A state of prayer came
to me that I cannot find words to describe. Suddenly, my nous entered my heart,
and my nous, my heart, and the prayer became one! I could not tell where I was.
All I can say is that the prayer was being said within my heart, and I felt
sublime sweetness and an indescribable bliss. I do not know how long this
lasted. When I regained my senses, I felt an inexpressible tranquility and
sweetness, and I had many tears.
Afterwards, I
went to Geronda and said:
“Something
has happened to me, Geronda.”
“What
happened to you?”
“While I was
praying, suddenly my nous became enclosed within my heart. I became unaware if
there was anything else in the world.” And I described that state of grace to
him. Then Geronda said to me:
“From this
state of prayer, the nous will later ascend above. From this point on, the
rapture of the nous begins. During and after this state, the nous leaves and
goes to theoria. When I first experienced this state, I went and stayed in a
cell so small that I could barely fit inside. It was so small that I nearly
asphyxiated. I stayed in it for a year. Make sure that you hold on to what you
felt and experienced; do not lose it!” Another time when I told Geronda what I
was experienc¬ing, he ecstatically exclaimed:
“Oh, blessed
obedience! Obedience—you are truly sovereign [among virtues]. My child, in
order to taste these heavenly blessings, Gero-Arsenios and I shed much blood in
ascesis. But you disciples, merely through diligent obedience, are enjoying the
same grace we had. Hold on to obedience with all your soul; there is no path
easier and higher than this."
This state
lasted about seven months. My nous enclosed itself for two or three hours.
After 1 returned to my senses, this state would leave. But the following day in
the daytime, I had very strong prayer. I had fallen in love so much with this
prayer that I did not want to talk. I did not speak idly and I did not talk
with anyone. That is how careful I was those months when I had that state. As
soon as I woke up, I kept thinking about when night would come so that I could
struggle in prayer and find that state. If I did not find it the first night, I
would struggle and find it the second or third night. I would find it about
twice a week.
Whenever I
found this prayer, I would experience such a strong sweetness during the
daytime that I did not care
if I was
working hard all day. When we did have to work hard all day, everyone else
would get tired and want to stop working, but I did not. I was flying! I did
not have just twice as much strength as usual but five times as much—in both
body and soul. I was not interested in what other people were doing. I would
sit down for meals, and I would not look to see what they were eating or
saying. I would eat my food while my nous was in prayer. I felt so much
sweetness within myself that I cannot describe it.
In this
state, my nous had been united with my heart, and the prayer was being said on
its own inside my heart. My nous, my heart, and the words of the prayer were
united, just as it says in “The Art of Prayer.” I had no perception of things
around me: not my cell, not the walls—nothing. Awareness of the world would be
extinguished.
I did not
want to eat or drink, and I did not even get sleepy. For two days, I did not
eat or drink anything and I did not even get thirsty, all because of this
prayer!
Prayer was
dancing within me and would not let me sleep. I would say to myself, “It does
not matter if I do not sleep, eat, or drink, as long as 1 have this!“ It was
the only thing I wanted because it brought me indescribable peace, sweetness,
and bliss. When you are in this state, you sit down to eat and you cannot, so
you eat just superficially. You lie down to sleep and you cannot. This would
last not just for twenty-four or thirty-six hours, but even for forty-eight
hours when I had found this prayer.
I told
Geronda:
“The prayer
won’t let me sleep!”
“Brace
yourself,“ Geronda replied. “It looks like I will de-part, and God is preparing
you so that you will bear it.” After Geronda departed and I lived alone, the
prayer still would not let me sleep—sometimes three or even six times a week,
when I found it. Sometimes when I was thinking about this prayer, I was
considering resigning from the priesthood and withdrawing to some hidden place
where no one would see me. I would weep and say:
“Oh, Lord,
why did I want the priesthood? If only I were somewhere where I could pray and
not meet anyone.”
I was
thinking about staying in the caves of the ascetics so that I could preserve
that state of prayer. But I lost it due to the many cares I later had.
As
papa-Haralambos said this, he wept hard. Later, he ex-plained:
“Even though
many times I had the thought of becoming a solitary ascetic, I rejected the
idea. Since Geronda hadn’t recommended this to me before passing away, I was
afraid to proceed any further without his blessing.”
On the day
that Geronda departed, papa-Haralambos did a prostration to him before going to
rest in his cell. Geronda said to him:
’’Come close
to me. Cut out the cares. Do you hear me?”
“May it be
blessed,” papa-Haralambos answered and turned around to leave.
After taking
only ten steps, Geronda called out to him,
again:
“Papa!”
He came
running hack.
‘“What did I
tell you? Did you hear me? I told you to cut out the cares.”
“May it be
blessed, Geronda.” After he turned around again and took fifteen steps, Geronda
called out to him once more: “Papa!”
He came
running back again... “What did I tell you? Did you hear me? Cut out the cares!
I told you to cut out the cares!“
“May it be
blessed, Geronda “I told you not to forget to cut out the cares.”
Later,
Papa-Haralambos would weep every time he remembered this. He recalled:
“He told me
three times. When I started getting involved with cares, how many times his
words came to mind! What can I say? What tears did I lose because of cares!
Because of the cares I got involved— planting a garden, building walls—I found
my demise. I got involved in many cares. Whereas during Geronda’s final year, I
had a state that cannot he described. I had many states of grace.”
Papa-Haralambos
had indeed received much grace from God. This is why he said to me very naturally
and as a matter of fact:
“I have
prayer?
“Yes, my dear
papa,” I would reply. “Yes you do, you do have prayer.”
He could say
this without pride because he was simple, straightforward, and innocent, yet a
perfect disciple and a great fighter until his holy repose in 2001.
Orthodox
Heritage VOL. 16, ISSUE 01-02 JANUARY-FEBRUARY
2018BROTHERHOOD OF ST. POIMEN
Publisher: St. POIMEN Greek Orthodox Brotherhood Editor: George Karras Story
Editors: Markos Antoniathis & Kostas Matsourakis
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