Blot
out, O Lord, all my memories – except one.
St.
Nikolai Velimirovich, Bishop of Ochrid
Poem
XXX (30)
Blot
out, O Lord, all my memories–except one. For memories make me old and feeble.
Memories ruin the present day. They weigh down the present day with the past
and weaken my hope in the future, for in legions they whisper in my ear: “There
will only be what has already been.”
But I
do not wish for there to be only what has been. I do not wish and You do not
wish, O Lord, for the future to be the past repeated. Let things happen that
have never appeared before. The sun would not be worth much, if it only watched
repetitions.
Worn
paths mislead a wayfarer. Earth has walked over the earth a long time. Earthly
walkways have become boring, for they have been traveled again and again from
generation to generation throughout all time. Blot out, O Lord, all my memories
except one.
Just
one memory do I ask You not to blot out, but to strengthen in me. Do not blot
out but strengthen in my consciousness the memory of the glory that I had when
I was entirely with You and entirely in You, before time and temporal illusions.
When
I, too, was a harmonious trinity in holy unity, just as You are from eternity
to eternity.
When
the soul within me was also in friendship with consciousness and life.
When
my soul also was a virginal womb, and my consciousness was wisdom in virginity,
and my life was spiritual power and holiness.
When
I, too, was all light, and when there was no darkness within me.
When
I, too, was bliss and peace, and when there were no torments of imbalance
within me.
When I
also knew You, even as You know me, and when I was not mingled with darkness.
When
I, too, had no boundaries, no neighbors, no partitions between “me” and “you.”
Do not
blot out this memory, my Father, but strengthen it. Even if it reveals to me
the abyss along which I am journeying in humbleness and nothingness.
Even
if it separates me from friends and pleasantries, and demolishes all the
barriers between Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.
Even
if it leads me outside of myself, and makes me seem mad in the eyes of my
fellow wayfarers.
In
truth, no companionship pleases me except Yours, and no memory pleases me
except the memory of You.
O my
Merciful Father, blot out all my memories except one alone.
Immersed
in St. Nikolai Velimirovich’s Prayers by the Lake
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